an unbelievably boring SFR saga (and blog entry)

Tell me, English readers, is it France, or could the following scenario happen in the UK?
Sunday evening: I phone SFR to say I have no internet connection. They say I have a faulty connecting cable and arrange for it to be sent by post, which I am told will take around a week. “How can you expect me to function like that in 2013!” I rage and, at my prompting, they say I can pick it up at an SFR shop.

Monday morning: the shop assistant tells me that they can’t provide any equipment without a “customer file” being open – despite what I was told the previous evening. In any case they don’t stock accessories; I will have to go to Fnac. At Fnac I wait a further half hour for the shop to open, only to discover they don’t stock accessories.

Back home I recontact SFR and make sure I am properly in the system. They tell me that the cable will be available at the Echirolles branch in 2 hours’ time. I drive across Grenoble to the shop. I ask them to test the cable with the modem. It doesn’t work and – incredibly – they don’t have any modems in stock. I drive back across Grenoble to the first branch and, after waiting half an hour to be served, drive home with the new modem.

At home the box doesn’t work. For several hours it’s impossible to reach SFR (merci de renouveler votre appel). When at last I do, late evening, they say the box must be faulty and I will need to wait a further 48 hours for one to be delivered to a shop. When I explode (loss of internet has already resulted in me waiting for a client shiatsu rdv when the client had cancelled by email, and Juan – supposedly and uniquely working from home this week because of his company’s annual shutdown – is in CH waiting for me to get the thing fixed) they say they will contact me the following morning. 

Tuesday: SFR don’t call. I wait until midday then phone them. “Oh, didn’t you know – the box is waiting in the shop”. I ask them if they are sure – the previous two occasions a text message had alerted me but I hadn’t received one this time. I fear being asked, again, at the shop “Do you have a customer file open?” I can’t check as no one at the shop picks up the phone. Off I go again, into the heat. And once again I wait 20 minutes before anyone can speak to me. I am then asked the dreaded question – and we then discover that the file has been closed and no order for the modem put through. My “FUCK!!” causes a ripple of shock. The file will need to be reopened. We are surrounded by publicity for high-speed connections. But just getting through to set up the file takes a further 30 minutes.

Three hours later, and the 4th 30km round trip and there I am again. The same assistant tells me (after I wait yet another 30 minutes for them to get through by phone) that the modem has been sent by post. The assistant doesn't prostrate himself with embarrassment at his cock-up but - as he is on the welcome desk and has other customers waiting - invites me to take a ticket in the queue to speak to a colleague. I cut my losses and head home.

km driven so far: 120

hours on phone or waiting in the SFR shop: 5

energy lost: 10000 k calories

stress level: unmeasurable

Saturday: The second replacement modem arrives by post. And – unlike Monday's model - this one has software and instructions – with a completely different set-up from what I had been told in the shop. It works, praise the lord.